Recently, a friend of mine made the comment that a child growing up with one parent is not a normal family household. I also read Tara's blog from yesterday about co-parent counseling. All of this really got me thinking... what is "normal"?
My parents divorced when I was three. I don't have any memories of the three of us together as a family. I do, however, remember how they used to fight ALL the time when my dad would pick me up/drop me off at my mom's every other weekend. This was normal to me.
I have four siblings. My dad was married both prior to my mom and is now remarried to my stepmom. Only one of my brothers is my "true" sibling (for lack of a better way of explaining it... because honestly, as far as I'm concerned, they are my brothers and sister, period. There is no half-brother/half-sister explaining going on. Most people don't know any different and I like it that way). I was the only kid in my Catholic school class who had divorced parents. I'm not saying all of this because I want sympathy. I'm saying it because this is my normal. It gets even more complicated and it's definitely not the traditional two parent family.
Sure, I have issues. In fact, before I met my husband, I was pretty certain I would be single forever because I would never find anyone patient enough to break down the walls I built so far up and move beyond my issues. I can only count on one hand the number of people I truly trust. I have major trust issues. I am way too independent for my own good. I have a hard time expressing my feelings and sometimes have problems with giving/receiving affection. It makes me uncomfortable. I'm more of a pessimist and usually believe that I will be let down at some point, so I prepare for it. These can all be connected to my childhood and a result of my parents divorce. I don't need to have a therapist tell me that. It's not news to me. I also don't blame my parents for divorcing or use that as an excuse for anything.
I recognize that these are things I will always have to work on. Yes, most people would consider my upbringing as "abnormal." But never once did I question my parents love for me. Overall, I think I turned out pretty good. Most importantly, I'm happy.
Normal has nothing to do with being happy.
You're whole paragraph that starts with "Sure I have issues....." That's me too. And you know what, plenty of people who grew up in two parent households have those same issues. Nobody knows what "normal" is. We all have our ideals and what we would like our version of normal to be, but then I think other people would look at it and say "Wow, that's still kind of f**ked up." Bottom line, live your life how you want to and work out the issues along the way. That's what I'm trying to do anyway....
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