When Are You Having A Baby?

I have been getting this question a lot lately... family, friends, co-workers... everyone wants to know. Apparently once you hit the one year mark of being married, it’s go time.

The answer is simple: I'm not. The reason is also quite simple: we just don't want to raise a child. Yet people continue to ask. One of my co-workers has asked me a few times this year already if I am pregnant. (Is this a way of telling me I need to spend more time in the gym?) When I tell her emphatically, NO, she actually says, “Are you sure, you have a glow.” Really, I’m sure. Promise.

I will admit, growing up I always thought I would have kids. As a matter of fact, I wanted a big family. I have four siblings and I love it. As I got older and realized everything that went into raising a child, I didn't want any part of it. First of all, I could probably only handle one and I really, really do not want an only child. I think it would be incredibly lonely for said child. That, and I just don't want to deal with being sleep deprived, temper tantrums, cleaning up bodily fluids, or the attitude that comes with raising a teenager. I certainly have enough of my own. Patience is definitely not my virtue (the same is true for M). I like to do what I want to do when I want to do it. And then there is the financial part of it – having a kid is expensive. There are too many other things I want to do and spend my money on. Do you think I am an asshole yet? It’s okay, I already know this. Go ahead and call me selfish (it wouldn’t be the first time I have heard this in regards me not wanting a child), but what I think is selfish is having a child when I already know I wouldn’t be a great parent.

I have three absolutely gorgeous nieces and two very handsome nephews. I adore them and love spending time with them. But at the end of the day, I’m glad to give them back to their parents. In particular, my five year old niece can be quite the handful. I love her spunk – girlfriend cracks me up, but after spending the weekend with her I am exhausted. I don’t want to have to entertain someone 24/7.

Maybe it’s possible that some of this has to do with my own experience with my parents’ divorce when I was just three years old. You won’t ever hear me making excuses, but I certainly have issues because of it. On the other hand, I also believe that in some ways it made me a stronger, more realistic person. I suppose subconsciously it may be possible that I’m afraid of being a bad parent and screwing up my own child. Maybe, I don’t know.

Anyway, why do people feel the need to ask these questions? I typically respond with a sarcastic comment such as “When are YOU having a baby?” or “When are you going stop asking stupid questions?” For God sakes mind your own business. It’s rude, people.