I Need To Be Held Accountable

I keep losing 5 lbs, gaining 5 lbs, losing and gaining it again. Why? Well... I guess what it comes down to is that I'm really not trying hard enough. While my eating habits have gotten a lot better, and I workout regularly, I'm basically just maintaining. The problem is that I'm not being strict enough with myself. If I want a piece of chocolate, I will eat it. If I want pasta, I'll make some for myself. I give in to my cravings way too often and I need to start saying no to myself.

Also, when I think about how much weight I want to lose, it seems overwhelming. My plan is to come up with mini goals. For every 10 lbs I lose, I will reward myself with something.

At my heaviest weight ever, I weighed in at 227 lbs. That is when I started a boot camp class with my sister in law. It was awful and I hated it, but I lost 25 lbs fairly quickly. Due to the fact that it was really expensive and a pretty far drive, I stopped going after 4 months.

While I certainly have weight to lose, I guess I'm lucky that my weight is proportionate all over. Several people have told me that they would never guess that I weigh as much as I actually do. Even M couldn't believe it. Have I mentioned that M is in amazing shape? He's never ever made me feel bad about the weight I need to lose, but the fact that he is in such good shape makes me want to be as well. Our biggest difference is that M actually likes working out, while I am the complete opposite and can't think of much I dislike more than working out. Luckily, I found a pretty awesome workout buddy and she keeps me motivated.

I have been busting my @ss in the gym lately... and I'm not going to continue to do it just so I can maintain my weight. I need to LOSE the weight. I remember how much of a difference it was after losing 25 lbs... how much better I felt... and I keep trying to focus on that. I will feel even better once I've lost another 25 lbs.

I've started tracking my food online at www.sparkpeople.com and that seems to help with the accountability part of it. Looking at what I have been eating, none of it is really that bad... but some areas I could improve on are: eating fewer carbs, lower sodium intake, and drink A LOT more water. That's what I'm going to be working on.

So... stay tuned... tomorrow I will post my weigh in as well as what my 10 lb rewards will be. I have a pretty good idea and probably could post my weight right now, but to make it official, I will weigh myself tomorrow morning and post it on my blog then.