Finding Happy

This is what I'm working on now. Finding happy.

When I was younger and more naive, I thought I had it all figured out. After college, I would find my dream job (probably working as a police officer, trying to get into the detective bureau at whichever department I ended up working), getting married and having kids. That was going to be my happy, and it was all going to work out as planned. I guess I didn't figure I'd really have to work at it a whole lot... happy would just happen.

Except it didn't.

I did, in fact, go to the police academy after I graduated college. But I quickly realized being a police officer was not for me. Not even close. It was a pretty stressful time. I had no idea where I was going to go from there. While working full time and going to the academy full time, my then boyfriend proposed and we decided to start planning our wedding once I was done with the police academy.

Then.... I found out about several secrets my fiance was keeping. Secrets... lies... that were major deal breakers. This was two weeks before we were to move in together. We had already signed the lease. I broke off the engagement and called my dad crying so hard that he could barely understand me while I was trying to ask him to help me get out of the lease.

This was definitely not the happy I planned on. Looking back these were minor bumps in the road, but obviously at the time, were devastating. I decided I wasn't going to date anyone for at least a year. I needed to work on myself. I spent much time with friends and family... especially with my nieces. I loved every minute of it. I also needed to figure out what I was going to do with my life.

My manager at the time suggested I look at a career in supply management. So I did. I interviewed for a purchasing position that happened to be open at my company, got the promotion, and loved every minute of it.

A couple of months later, I met M. It was complicated at first. There's an age difference between us and that was somewhat of a concern, but we quickly found out that we are like two peas in a pod and compliment each other beautifully. I just knew we were meant to be together.

A year later M and I got engaged, then married and I was still loving my job. I was finally finding my happy.

While I was busy being happy with M and planning our wedding... without going into too much detail... I started hating my job. I still enjoy working in the supply management field, it's just that I'm not getting anywhere in my current department. It really started putting me in a BAD mood and I would instantly be pissed when I walked into work. I had to give myself pep talks on a regular basis.

I'm still not happy with my job and I'm searching. But I also realize that I need to make the best of it for now. I can't ignore it and just keep on with the way it has been going, but I also can't let myself be so upset about it. I need to continue learning so I can be more prepared if an opportunity comes my way.

If there's anything I've learned, it's that life happens. People change, you change... you make choices that you thought would make you happy, but as it turns out, was not what you expected or wanted. It's very naive to think you can make the right decisions and everything will turn out perfectly, the way you plan. Even when you are smart and careful with your decisions, it doesn't always work out. You have to learn to take things as they come and enjoy the experiences as they happen. While happy should be the end result, it's also a journey. And it always takes work. Nothing worthwhile ever comes easy.

Having a bad attitude never gets you anywhere. So I'm working on finding happy every day, even when I don't feel like it.

Keep Calm And Carry On

Wow. Has it really been more than a month since my last blog post? It is probably due to the fact that I have been in a PISSY mood lately. I have been reading your blogs... just not commenting. Sorry.

I'm sick of my job. Let's be honest, I'm getting no where in my current situation and have been feeling taken advantage of for a while. I reached my breaking point after talking to my boss about my raise/bonus (or should I say... lack of...). I am currently on the job hunt (and being aggressive about it, too). I have resorted to giving myself pep talks on Sunday nights just to give myself enough motivation to get up Monday morning and starting another week at work. And believe me, it's TOUGH.

I'm sick of being asked about when I am having a baby. For one, I have only been married for about 7 months, so are you kidding me? Second, if I am being totally honest... the answer is maybe never. The more M and I discuss it, the more we are leaning toward jumping on the no baby train. And I don't feel bad about it.

I'm sick of the rain and the constant lingering sinus headache that goes along with it.

I'm sick of family drama and I refuse to be a part of it any longer.

I'm sick of having to work so hard in the gym just to maintain my weight. But I know if I were to stop working so hard at it, it would turn into a disaster.

BUT - starting now, I am making myself have a more positive attitude. Because being negative isn't normally my thing and it's wearing me out. I am choosing to focus on all of the positives in my life. Because regardless of the things going wrong right now... there are a lot going of things going right.

Thanks for letting me get that out. I just need to keep telling myself to keep calm and carry on.